On a cold November night, my friend and I had the strange idea to host a cheese and wine poker night. This “sophisticated” event started with a trip to Tesco’s wine section, yet we inexplicably didn’t buy any cheese. Instead, we travelled across town to visit The Mousetrap Cheese Shop that was just closing. And during our chat with the owner, she mentioned a Christmas vacancy was open.
Still young, a little less dumb, and very broke after graduating, I did what any sane journalism graduate would do: apply to work at a cheese shop.
Over the next three months, I learnt some strange skills and secret scoops, like one customer swearing blind brie is key to any mac-and-cheese recipe. So, using my newly-acquired cheese knowledge and journalistic skills, I want to share 13 things I’ve learnt selling Stilton, wrapping Wensleydale, and tasting taleggio.
I’ll try to limit the cheesy puns – Celtic Promise.
1. Cheese was made (probably) by accident
I wanted to know more about cheese before my first shift and was surprised to discover it’s ancient history and accidental invention.
One legend describes an Arabian merchant, travelling across a desert with a milk-filled sheep’s stomach, discovering curds and whey. Others credit the Middle-East’s neolithic people, who left milk outside in warm conditions.
And while studying these stomach-churning cheese-making methods, I uncovered another unexpected fact…
2. Most cheese is low in lactose
When milk separates, the whey contains most of the lactose. Hard, aged cheeses, like Parmesan, tend to have less lactose, while wetter (perhaps feta?) cheeses contain more whey and therefore more lactose.
There are even lactose-free cheeses like the German blue Montagnolo – good news for the lactose intolerant!
3. You learn a lot about cheese
Who would have thought? The Mousetrap Cheese Shop prides itself on supplying Herefordshire with local and highly-awarded cheeses. With over 100 hand-picked cheddars, bries, and blues with various names, histories, and tasting notes, getting acquainted with each one is essential for making recommendations top-nosh.
While a bit of research uncovers peculiar tales, like a 1917 recipe turning up in a grandmother’s attic, there’s one sure-fire way to find the perfect cheese…
4. Tasting is part of the job
How else can I recommend a sharp Shropshire Blue or creamy farmhouse cheddar if I haven’t had a little morsel myself? Just make sure you avoid the mistake of trying every cheddar at once, which is a sure way to overdose on the stuff before you’re half-way through a shift.
5. The smell goes quickly
Wandering into a cheesemonger’s, you will notice your nostrils detect all sorts of delicious pongs wafting over the counter. However, after a few shifts, the smell diminishes with each ring of the shop’s bell.
Perhaps it’s a blessing that my sinuses aren’t constantly assaulted 9-to-5, although Stinking Bishop still never fails making my eyes water.
6. Wrapping is an artform
Watching the experts teach me the art of wrapping, I immediately thought There is no way I can learn this. Fortunately, cheese-wrapping comes under the ‘easy-to-learn-hard-to-master’ category.
While not a master, I can handle the classic cheese wedge with reasonable elegance and speed. Anything more rounded, however, results in a reconstruction of your 4-year-old nephew gift-wrapping a football.
7. There’s something for everyone (and it’s not just cheese)
Cheese comes in all sorts of shapes, tastes, and sizes. Is that cheddar too bitter? We have milder. Stilton, you say? Sharp or creamy? And you mentioned you liked horseradish too?
Cheese may not even be your thing, and that’s okay. Well, it’s tolerable at best. Nonetheless, there are plenty of chutneys, crackers, crisps, ice-creams, and pâtés as alternatives to sink your teeth into.
8. The best people eat cheese
Working in customer service, it’s not uncommon for a difficult customer to grace the shop steps. However, I can’t think of a moment where I’ve had to deal with an irksome cheese-eater or patronising patron. Even the Christmas rush failed to dampen the unity cheese brings.
In my humble opinion, this is irrefutable proof that cheese leads to happiness. longevity, and generally good well-being.
Disclaimer: This is far from a qualified opinion.
9. Cutting is the hardest part of the job
I know I just said the customers are a treasure, but if I have to cut in ounces again, I’m moving to Europe.
Yet even cutting grams prove difficult when I need 250 grams out of an oddly-shaped 664-gram piece. On top of making the line straight, having the upper-body strength to saw through a thick Gruyère rind, or stopping the handle from springing up into my face, cutting is an unexpected challenge.
10. My mental maths is mesmerising
My mental-maths would not be described as Einstein-level; even Nintendo’s Dr Kawashima considers me a lost cause, yet determining tricky cuts, pricings, and ounce-to-gram conversions (*shudder*) has improved my cranial calculations. Five-pence coins are still a nightmare to count cashing-up, but hey! At least I know the kilo-price of Worcestershire Hop!
11. Christmas is truly a cheese holiday
Through most of the year, the staff work alone through relatively quiet shifts. That all changes in December, as customers amass into unstoppable droves, craving for a fix of festive dairy delights.
The very reason this job was available was in preparation for the Christmas rush. I spent my first shift creating cheese advent calendars, with many days after packing boxes for deliveries in the basement, slowly becoming the mouse trapped in the cheese shop.
12. Wedding “cheese cakes” are a thing
Although the jury’s out for my choice of wedding cake, I discovered that there are alternatives to the traditional white wedding cake. The Mousetrap offers a range of delicious ‘wedding cheese cakes’, easily customisable to include your favourite Fromage.
From what I’ve heard, they go down a treat. One newly-wed couple came to buy the exact same cheeses from their wedding as the guests decimated their tower before they even got a whiff of their cheese citadel.
13. Working with cheese is amazing
The seasonal rush has ended, and while I’m looking toward new horizons, I’m still lending my hand to shifts, even taking on the task of running the shop alone.
During a personally difficult Christmas period, putting my attention to the mad-dash and deliriously laughing with co-workers was a nice escape; I’ve had a blast.
So what are you waiting for? Go visit your local cheese shop and have a taste of some fine artisan delights, flexing your new-found knowledge on the wonderful subject of cheese.
I’d like to specially thank Claire for the amazing opportunity working at The Mousetrap. Thanks to Rosie, Laura, and all the other Mousetrap employees for being such kind teachers, and thank you for reading!
Do leave a comment about your strange cheese facts or favourite cheeses below. Thanks again!
3 Comments
patricia bolton · 9 March 2020 at 18:36
Very interesting and entertaining! Thank you…GoodLuck 🙂
Jackie Rock · 9 March 2020 at 21:18
Brilliant Will Well written you will definitely go far in journalism 👏👏👏
Everyday Inspiration: Day Five – William Vincent · 2 September 2020 at 20:44
[…] was fairly lucky. I worked at a cheese shop during the pandemic where I could get out and do local deliveries. Most of the time, though, I was […]