Every day, WordPress emails me one writing prompt. Today’s writing prompt is:
Reinvent the Letter Format
William Grant Morgan Vincent BA, MA, OH, GG (great guy)
emailthatmydad.setupformewheniwas6@gmail.com
10 September 2020 (today’s date, obviously)
Dear Sir or Madam,/To whom this may concern,/Whatever makes me sound professional,
It is with mediocre pleasure that I beg apply for this incredible position at your company. Well, it’s not your company, but in this cover letter, I’ll treat you like God because I will write absolutely anything for you to consider me a worthy asset.
Don’t take my “mediocre pleasure” comment as a slight on the job because, sarcasm aside, working in this position would be a dream come true. I just hate writing cover letters.
I am a freelance journalist, which is to say I have been living with my parents for the past year, snatching up whatever paid work I can lay my hands on. My previous experience is pretty spotty, but since you’re not asking for three year’s industry work for this entry-level position (thank you, by the way), I hope my skills speak for themselves.
In truth, it’s been a rough year. A couple of months after my Master’s course concluded, I had a fun family emergency over 8,000 miles away and spent three weeks either in a hospital or a hostel. I panicked and got a job at a cheese shop, which is where I’ve found the most financial success in my career so far. And then, of course, the pandemic paraded onto the scene and work opportunities dried up.
I apologise for the sob-story. Others have it much worse, but I want to give an honest explanation about the gaps in my work history. I’m a doer and achiever, not a prover. Give me a task, and I’ll make it my life goal to complete it with momentous efficiency, no matter the timeframe.
Let my work speak for itself: the thousands of views I have on WhatCulture; my two news packages broadcast live on national radio; the fact that when I’m faced with a problem, I flexibly and swiftly learn new skills to solve it.
The three websites I’ve made? I taught myself the basics of HTML, CSS, and WordPress to build. I need more video skills for broadcast jobs? As of this week, I’ve learnt how to animate in After Effects. I jump from skill to skill like a line-cook on a fully-booked Saturday evening because the landscape for media jobs is dynamic and ever-shifting.
Why would I be a good fit for your company? Because I fit anywhere. Editing? Writing? Wrapping wedged-shaped presents really well? Like Bruce Lee, I am the most versatile, freshest water you’ve ever seen, and will mould into whatever role you offer happily. All I ask for in return is for you to take a chance on me: I’m desperate to get my foot in the door. Let me out, and I’ll conjure wonders for you.
With the utmost, sincerest, kindest regards,
William Vincent
(although I prefer Will)
[32 minutes]
Writing cover letters makes my writer’s block flare-up. I hope this tongue-in-cheek exercise helps the writing flow and I can get more applications out. To others also looking for jobs, don’t worry; we’ll get there.
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